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Virgin:
It’s Not a Dirty Word
by Norman Fulkerson
Millions of teenagers nationwide, including
male university students, have chosen to remain virgins until
marriage. In doing so they unflinchingly clash head on with a
modern day culture that implicitly condones free love.
A friend of mine was once riding the subway
late at night when the doors opened and in stepped two couples
returning from a night out on the town. They laughed and carried
on until one of the ladies noticed a poster promoting abstinence
on the wall behind them. She read it out loud for the others.
“Virgin: it’s not a dirty word,” it said. Then
half jokingly, but with a voice that portrayed guilt and disappointment,
she added: “Why didn’t they tell us that when we were
15?” The nervous laughter that followed this remark quickly
degenerated into a pensive silence and a marked note of frustration.
This young lady had obviously gone down a wrong
path in life and briefly lamented not having been offered a different
option.
It would appear that America is the last place
on earth where a person who wants to maintain his virginity would
find other options. Hollywood hardly misses an opportunity to
glamorize impure lifestyles which corrupt our young people at
home and project an incomplete image of America abroad. Freedom
is supposed to be our motto, in all things, including love.
There is, however, a whole subculture in America
that openly rejects impure lifestyles and immodest fashions. Members
of this subculture fight to safeguard virginity and reject what
they see as destructive trends and fashions. Young people across
America are promising to remain pure until marriage and by doing
so proclaim loud and clear that “virginity” as the
sign said “is not a dirty word.” It is yet another
“only in America” paradox.
* * *
Abstinence programs are a huge element in this
trend. Over a billion dollars has been given by the federal government
in the last ten years to programs that teach young people the
value of remaining chaste until marriage. Millions more were allocated
to bring this message to our nation’s classrooms. More striking
still was the $167 million given last year alone to a specific
type of abstinence program which carries a stipulation. To get
the money you are not allowed to teach about the supposed benefits
of condoms, but only how they fail.1
The significance of such funding can only be
truly measured when we consider the mania for public opinion polls.
These polls have become the politician’s way of gauging
what his constituents want. It is safe to say that what the public
often gets is reflected in such polls.
The conclusion we could draw from this reasoning
is that a certain sector of the American public wants to preserve
virginity and have voiced their opinions loud enough to get public
funding. The money is not going into a vacuum but is currently
being used by over 200 abstinence groups nationwide. Many of these
groups promote seminars that culminate in purity pledges by teens.
The Silver Ring
Thing
The first time I began to take notice of such programs was when
I saw a news item about a 15 year-old girl named Lydia Playfoot
in West Sussex England. She received international attention when
authorities at the Millais All Girls School told her to remove her
purity ring. They said it was a transgression of the school’s
uniform policy. Her parents were upset because of the double standard
this represented; practicing Muslims wearing headscarves and Sikhs
using Kara bracelets in the same school went unmolested.2
The mention of an English girl in an “only
in America” column might seem out of place. It is not. Lydia
received her ring during a program presented by an American group
called The Silver Ring Thing founded in the 1996 by Denny Pattyn
of Yuma, Arizona. His educational program aims at showing young
people the physical, emotional and spiritual problems resulting
from an impure lifestyle. “The only way to reverse the moral
decay of any youth culture” he points out, “is to
inspire a change in the conduct and behavior from those within
the culture.”3
Mr. Pattyn’s group was formed in the shadow
of another organization called True Love Waits founded by Jimmy
Hester in the early 90’s.
“We began to hear from students,”
Mr. Hester said, “that they did not have a way to express
themselves about abstinence until marriage.” In other words,
they wanted to avoid taking a wrong path, but did not see another
option. “True Love Waits,” he said, “grew out
of that desire.”
The commitment to remain pure originally entailed
signing a pledge card which students carried in their pockets.
Later on, the pledge card was replaced by a more visible and powerfully
symbolic purity ring -- a constant reminder of the promise made.
Purity rings are sometimes given by the father
to the daughter who will then give it to her future husband should
she decide to marry. We are able to fully appreciate the beauty
of this gesture when we consider the symbolism of brides wearing
white to the altar. Queen Victoria was the first woman in the
modern era to do so but brides across Europe and America quickly
followed the royal lead. The color white, formally symbolic of
royal mourning, thus became more commonly the symbol of purity
of heart, innocence of childhood and later virginity.4
Seeing so many young people wear such a visible
sign of their chastity shatters the modern day myth that no one
is interested in remaining pure. Mr. Hester told an amusing story
of one high school girl who evidently believed this myth. After
taking the pledge, she stood up in her classroom and courageously
affirmed, even if inaccurately, that she was the only virgin in
the school. She was pleasantly surprised when several others corrected
her, “You are not the only one, I am also.” In the
last ten years, over two million young people have taken the same
pledge.
True Manliness
It might appear from what has been said so far that those interested
in such a concept are exclusively women. Virginity after all has
more commonly been associated with woman, while true manhood has
been distorted by false archetypes. Men with piety are often presented
as genderless beings a young man would never want to imitate.
On the opposite side of the spectrum is the equally distorted
concept of men who are macho. Such men see the loss of virginity
as not only an acceptable but even a necessary step towards their
deformed image of manhood.
Sherif Girgis would be the first to disagree
with these equally false options. “I personally found this
intense struggle [to remain pure]” he said, “and the
subsequent tranquility in having conquered self, to be eminently
masculine.”
He just happens to be a 19-year-old philosophy
major at Princeton University and co-founder of the Anscombe Society
which, among other things, promotes abstinence. The society is named
after Elizabeth Anscombe, a Cambridge philosopher and staunch Roman
Catholic who defended the Church’s unpopular teaching on sexual
ethics. A high point in her struggle came in 1968 when the Church
reaffirmed its condemnation of contraception. While the intellectuals
around her reacted with shock and rage, the Anscombe family toasted
the decision with champagne.5
The society named in her honor has had similar
struggles. Not long after they were formed, a certain group of people
on campus, evidently not so enthusiastic about chastity, labeled
them as homophobes. They might just have easily toasted with champagne.
This did not deter them and it was not long before they had an email
list with 150 names.
According to Sherif, a convert to Catholicism like
Mrs. Anscombe, the Princeton group has a twofold purpose. It not
only provides a social network for like-minded people but also provides
intellectual arguments to help students grasp the importance of
chastity in human development. The most important thing, however,
is to present a powerful example, especially for young men who lack
proper role models. Cassandra Debenedetto is the founder of Anscombe
and the oldest in a family of four from Stow, Massachusetts. Her
younger brothers appreciate the example given by students at Princeton.
“Two of them plan to form an abstinence group at their high
school,” she said, “while the other hopes to do the
same at the university he attends.”
With the media coverage that followed their founding,
the Anscombe Society was contacted by a similar group at Cornell
University, said Cody May. He is a 19-year-old Philosophy major
from Center, Texas and former officer of Anscombe. “Although
[the Cornell group] did not get the same publicity we did,”
he explained, “they just wanted to say ‘hey, we are
with you and we are offering similar things here at Cornell.’” 6
Jonathan Butler, a 19-year-old Catholic student
at the University of Colorado at Boulder is with them as well.
Known to many as the “People’s Republic of Boulder,”
the University of Colorado is the last place on earth you would
expect to find “right-wing-fanatics” promoting chastity
-- especially if they are male. That didn’t stop Jonathan
and his three friends from founding the College Coalition for
Relationship Education. Such an innocuous title is understandable
when you consider the ire liberals have for such groups promoting
chastity. The organization currently has fifteen members and half
are men.
There are similar clubs at the University of
Northern Colorado and Colorado State University. Jonathan hopes
to have help, after he graduates, from fellow students in taking
this message to the younger crowds. “I would like to see
members of my college,” he said, “visiting grade schools
to teach them [about the abstinence message] also.”
Modesty as a Safeguard
of Virginity
The subject of modesty unexpectedly came up while I was speaking
with Cody May. Coming from a very hot Center, Texas he commented
on the “unexpected blessing” of going to Princeton,
with temperatures that actually oblige girls to dress decently.
Cody is not the only one who thinks that way at Princeton. “More
men than women would agree with me,” he said. “Men
recognize the problem because if affects them so badly.”
He understood that to maintain virginity without the virtue of
modesty is difficult, if not impossible.
Cassandra Debenedetto would agree with him wholeheartedly.
Besides being one of the founders of the Anscombe Society, she
also has her own blog appropriately titled “Modestly yours.”
In one of her entries she tells her experience of training high
school girls and how impressed she was with their grasp of modesty.
“The girls understood that modest dress did not mean wearing
baggy or “frumpy” clothing… Rather they understood
that one can dress fashionably and in a way that accents her femininity
without dressing in a revealing or distracting way.”
This idea may be catching on. Teenage girls
in Tucson, Arizona got so fed up with the indecent clothing which
they were being offered at stores that they circulated a petition
demanding more modest fashions. Over 4,000 students signed a petition
that got the attention of Dillard’s which ended up holding
a fashion show to spotlight more modest attire.7
And then there is the case of Mrs. Rita Davidson
who drove five hours from Ontario, Canada across the American
border precisely because of the modesty issue. “I wanted
to meet my pen pal from California who once commented that she
always wears a dress.”
“This stance intrigued me” she said,
“since it seemed so severe.” Upon meeting her American
pen pal she was attracted by her very feminine manners and sincerity.
“Her whole image struck me,” she continued, “and
a seed was planted.” That seed later developed into a lay
organization called Martyrs of Purity which is a crusade
to save souls not only from impurity but immodesty as well. She
was quickly forced to open a post office box in New York. “Ninety
percent of our customers are American,” she said. “Catholic
families in America take their faith more seriously.”
* * *
There are those who will read this article and
quickly question the longevity of the purity pledges made by over
2 million young people. Liberals will do so —backed by statistics—
because they want to continue handing out contraception. Others
will do so for a different reason. They will argue that the young
people who take these pledges are doomed to fail because they
have voluntarily immersed themselves in a promiscuous culture.
They will equally question the integrity of university students
who courageously defend their virginity on liberal campuses; even
if it is sprinkled with a modesty message.
This article was not intended to portray America
as a convent which it most certainly is not. It was to point out
the paradoxical desire to remain virginally pure on the part of
young people in a country and culture that, at least implicitly,
condones free love.
This is the paradox which was so well expressed
by that poor soul on the subway; “Why didn’t they
tell us that when we were 15?” She had experienced the empty
pleasures the world offers and was candid enough to raise a very
prickly question; “Why wasn’t I offered another option?”
Hidden inside this question is a desire for something
else and an affirmation that, if offered another option, “I
might have taken it!” Was this subway lady aware of the millions,
whose desire for virginity led them to make pledges to remain pure?
Did she know that those same people unashamedly wear purity rings
as an outward sign of that promise and often face ridicule for doing
so? Did she know about female students, not much older than she,
at an Ivy League school, that are proudly promoting modesty? What
about the men attending the same school who appreciated these efforts?
Or what about these same men who choose virginity and in doing so
smash the false archetypes of wimpy or macho man, in the process?
She, like you, might have been totally
unaware that such a paradox not only exists, but is alive and
well — only in America.
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